Michael's Writings


Just a thought...

 A BOOK OF UNCOMMON PRAYER

BY

MICHAEL WILLSON

 

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DEDICATION

 

To You who listens in my heart,

to All that aspires in my soul,

to everything contained in my light and dreams

let my prayers always be

uncommon

to all but me.

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WHO AM I?

 

I am a house on fire with fever

waiting

for the breath of the Ultimate

to blow out the flame

 

I am out wandering in the woods

trying to get lost

hoping to be found by Eternal Peace.

 

I am a tear drop descending

into the Ocean

of Existence.

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When the thunder comes,

as it always will,

let me hear laughter.

When the wind blows

as it must

let it speak to me unceasingly.

When the rain falls,

as it should,

let me open my heart

to wash away all fear.

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With my mind open may I embrace the Mystery that

transcends

the limits of gender,

free

from the confines of personality,

beyond

the power of my imagination.

With joyous endeavor and patience, may this be the size of my humanity.

 

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THIS DAY I PRAY

 

To the sun:

let me give as freely of my warmth as you

To the moon:

may I embrace all in silence and peace,

To the stars:

help me impart joy and blessings

To my heart:

like you treat my life blood,

enable me to act with compassion

to all I meet.

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LIFE/DEATH

 

I pass through nature's womb

suckle at nature's breast

nourished on beauty and sorrow,

joy and pain

One day,

born into eternity,

let my body make good soil.

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THROUGHOUT THE DAY

 

As my fingers darken

with newsprint's ink

let me find hope.

 

In idle chatter

and rumors

let me seek truth.

 

In words with strangers

let me speak kindly

With each breath

let me give thanks.

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Forsaking disasters

May my thoughts stray

in unguarded moments

to love and kindness

not dwelling on the flickering of

dismal possibilities

but glimpsing

moments of awe and wonder

May I forsake the ugly

to embrace beauty.

 

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FROM TIME TO TIME

 

I will

Stop

look into the pocket of my soul

Listen

to the ticking of my heart

and know

the time.

 

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A RECIPE FOR LIFE

 

May I

Simmer my wounds in love

Baste my actions with kindness

Devour each day as if it were my last.

 

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MORNING

 

As the sun and I rise from night’s womb

I pray:

let me develop an awareness

that I am here to serve others

that the greatest blessing I can give

is the knowledge that love

is the highest wisdom

the greatest gift

to give or receive.

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WHEN DEATH COMES

 

Let me go

            like a slip across a slick floor

to tumble quickly into

            one last moment of creation.

Let me go

with eyes wide open

and curious as hell

an exclamation mark

on my horizon

            as I run towards it.

Let me go

            into death

                                                                        as though it were not coming for me.

 

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I will dream without ceasing

Spend my days in this world

searching and seeking

for a way to wake up.

 

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From time to time

May I be lost

forced to still my fears and desires

to see just

where I am.

May I be lost, to be found

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MINDFUL

 

I will let me attention. so often lost wandering, be drawn to

the silence between the words

between the noise

between the notes.

I will cultivate the silence

in my conversation

in my house

in my mind and heart

I will pay homage to Silence.

 

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You whose hand tugs at my dreams

tickles at my confusion

whispers beneath my distractions

Let me heed Your passage through my dreams

laugh in the midst of my confusion

listen to You when I am distracted.

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This despair which seeps out of me,

spreading over the landscape

soaking into the ground of my days

permeating those around me

does not see the clouds drifting through a sky

painfully blue

nor affect the flight of birds

or sway the growth of flowers in the wind.

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Let me seek questions

            not answers

Let me find mystery

            where today I find none

Let me be surprised

            befuddled

            amazed.

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AN OATH

 

When I am safe and secure

in my opinions

doubt be my teacher.

 

When I reach a safe shore

let me go back

for others.

 

When I find a safe place

let me leave the door open

wide.

 

When I laugh

I will share it

When you cry

I will soothe it.

 

When I am secure and sure

I will risk it

Doubt be my teacher,

uncertainty be my pride

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I will not leave one person behind

to be a life implied

between the lines of my life

I will find dignity and worth

in the life of others

equal to or greater

than my own.

 

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AN UNCOMMON PRAYER FOR AN UNCOMMON SENSE

 

There is a voice I will not speak with

a vision I will not see with

a touch

a smell

a taste

not mine, all not mine yet mine...

 

A sense that my common sense denies

though I sense it

within my eyes

my ears

the odors of my life

the layers of my trembling skin

 

I will speak sense beyond common sense

release the vision

a quake throughout my flesh

caress the rapture in silence

hear the rapture of that small voice

still insisting it will not be still

I will use my uncommon sense.

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With the force of my will I would hold the leaves

gone to sharp reds and stiff yellows

on the branches

I would spread tears of sunlight across

a painfully blue morning sky

I would

if I could

let the leaves do what they should in autumn

let the sky be as it will

turn the corner of the season

and let voices adrift find my ear

let dreams find my sleep

let my will lie down inside my body

and become the rhythm of my breath

with the force of my will

I would relinquish my will

to Yours.

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There

across expanse of sky

where day folds into night

There

where my heart caresses the hour

and listens for a sound reverberating

back from the future

a point where all ends, to begin again

movement

between, aside, not quite,

as life begets death

There

I want to be There.

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The visions of the sublime

the rituals of smoke and mirror

awards and gifts and

hurrahs abundant

 

It's not the bells and whistles of my life,

it's the silence that gives it meaning.

 

The time spent giving when there is

no receiving except silence

the words of praise and power for another

with silence in return

my heart that flows outward with each

pushing of it's muscle

and asks for nothing in return

knowing that

it's not the bells and whistles of my life

it's the silence

that gives it meaning.

 

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With each breath

let me give thanks

for each breath

 

with each tear

let me cry

for other's tears

 

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VALENTINE TO A VITAL ORGAN

 

I feel you beating for me day and night,

pushing my blood in a way I cannot imagine

I feel you beating in my ears as the sublime rushes through

I witness to your action in each breath and itch and notion that is me

you who do so much, cannot do it all

cannot act like a valentine's card and extend love

and not work at love

cannot summon up the courage to risk all

the risks that love implies

you, my heart

must do your work

my work is to love.

 

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HARVEST

 

I take stock of the crop the past year has given me

go into the counting house of my soul

I wander through the grains,

some soiled, some the delight of mold spores,

others dry and ready for the harvest of my blessing

for it is I who bless myself. 

I give to myself the blessing of my life

by acknowledging my life

I give to myself the blessing of my life's mishaps,

pains, and difficulties by finding in each tear

and cry and moan a lesson to be learned

and then learning it well. 

I bless my life by watching the sun set

instead of keeping it away from my soul

by smiling thank-you to myself

when I notice how others smile at me

by letting go of that grudge squirming around

beneath my dreams

by letting loving-kindness walk steadily through my actions

into my world. 

Today I bless myself

by accepting life’s blessings

that flow to me, and through me.

 

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WARRIOR

 

Slay the grand notion

preconception

divisions

Undermine convictions

predilections

beliefs and fond wishes

Clean the slate of mind of

visions

voices

devotions

And when I have no idea, no purpose, no desire

I will find You and my weary head will rest peacefully in your lap.

 

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The convolutions of heart and mind

collision of tectonic plates and continents

as intents and convictions collide

The upheaval of the spirit

May I remember pain and tears and uncertainty

lead only to despair

unless I mold them into wisdom.

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AWE

 

Too great the earth and sky,

Too amazing each man and woman and child

Too much the rapture to be contained

in my fragile bag of skin

without You to encompass it all for me,

A God to contain my awe.

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The growth of thorns and underbrush

Wild roses and raspberries

round my muscles and ligaments

the bloom of dawn in my blood

the inhalation of evening in the hollow

chambers of my heart and the gray matter of my brain

Under the snore of a clouded horizon

all manner and demeanor of wind and weather

rises up from my loins

I am the sun as it ignites my neurons

the earth which builds the cellular membranes

the day and the night my consciousness

I am this life and it devours me.

 

 

Cold, like a heavy cream

coats the day

like a dream

distorts

the heart

yields a warning

stay alert!

To lie against ambitions,

to slumber in procrastination

promises a quiet death

stealth death

cold death

like a delusion curdled and sour.

 

 

Today my dreams will be new,

thickened through with pagan fantasies

with the odor of rough-hewn wood

and straw baskets

decorated with space and light.

I listen for the voices of drums

and find it is the beating of my soul.

 

 

I am wonder-struck through with lust for You

stare straight into the face of existence to find You

Search the map of my heart for an undiscovered sea

in which to drown in You.

 

 

In this darkness

I will strike a light

for another

and it’s glow

will warm my soul

.

 

BOLDLY

 

I step into the day

release the guardians of my heart

go forth raw and naked

Tears, the sweat of my heart,

can flow as they may

Joy, the power of my heart

can flow as it may.

Love, the substance of my heart,

can flow as it may.

Boldly

I step into the stream of the day

release the guardians

the fetters

the reticence

of my heart

and let my life flow as it may.

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HEALING

 

Not succumbing to fear

I will patiently silence the dogs guarding the door to my soul.

Some wounds are so deep

they must be found

to be healed.

 

 

In celluloid and sin

I will pardon confusion

in video with vice

I will forgive delusion

in the novelistic metaphors

of sorrows and of frights

I will understand the search for a solution

II these artifices of art

that assault and confound me

I will find a place to heal my heart

 

 

 

Searching among the embers

lending them my breath

I will turn ashes to fire.

Where love is weak, undernourished and fragile

each breath give me joy in the endeavor

so my heart may warm others

my light mingle with theirs.

We are the beacon fire on the he hill

stronger, brighter, more visible to others

to offer sanctuary and safety and comfort

when we join with one another.

 

 

ALL MUSLCLES GIVE OUT WITH TIME

 

To relax the grip and grasp of the hand

it’s nature is to open

and when open to receive

the hand of another.

To live is to let go

by letting go I receive the blessings of life.

 

To relax the wanting and fearing of the heart

it’s nature is to open

and when open to receive

the hearts of others.

To love is to let go

by letting go I receive the blessing of love.

 

To empty the names and conceptions of the Divine

it’s nature is to reveal

and when I am open receive

I encounter the Divine.

To empty myself is to let go

by letting go I receive the blessings of the Divine.

 

 

I must be blind to see

silent to speak

without thought to think

without feeling to feel

the Truth.

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Lead me not in the search

Give me strength to go blindly forward

Do not make me too sure of you Beloved

Give me courage to loose everything to reveal You there waiting for me with open arms

____________________

The winds in my lunges

the spectrum of a rainbow refracted in my eyes

the vibration of the cosmos echoing in my ears

the fragrance of spring’s first breath

the orgasm of crushed stardust against my skin

the taste of life on my tongue

I am the sudden rapture of all existence crammed into a fragile box of flesh

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I fill my heart with gratitude for all things that have passed

I pledge mindful service to all things present

I accept infinite responsibility for all things of the future

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The frost bitten creamsicle light of winter dusk

winds waiting to lick the chill to blue

stunned deeply by the season

snow wanders between earth and sky confusing the two

so much silence fills my mind

I can listen to Your whispering.

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OLDER THAN 16

 

Where are the locker-lined halls crammed with expectations

a confusion of fear and fearlessness?

Where are the awkward smiles, awkward hearts, hear-felt wishes for the future?

Flesh-bags bursting with dreams

bumping like bubbles into authority and freedom

I sort through my dreams once well dreamt

and honor them with the conviction that with age

dreams can become even stronger.

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Eyes cast into the flames

thoughts like leaves caught up in a wind devil

laughter that comes from the eyes

the strange pathways of gray matter that link person to person

My heart’s creaking lays open the night and I await in awe the universe to take me.

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As many days are spent

stricken by awe

seeking sanctuary from wonder,

this day with senses split open,

I will

let my naked heart quiver

at Your presence in the World.

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Rises on the horizon, my demise-

Moon-like, serene, luminous, inevitable

the passing of all things

I take comfort in impermanence

each sob and giggle

each hard frost and daffodil

and I pause to reflect on

and reflect back

the beauty of my demise

some day beyond the horizon.

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Where is the night without the banshee howl of doubt

the cry of stars collapsing so tightly

they suck in all hope of light’s escape?

When is the dawn

and who will announce it’s blue as deep as the blood hidden inside us?

Who will articulate the exchange of deep for expansive?

Who will instruct us in the ways

to open eyes and let go the dreams?

I Wait for Your touch to raise me from my fear

I listen for Your words to clean my ignorance

I dive down into myself to find You.

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How distant, lost in dimming stars, collapse of stellar furnaces, the eyes of night.

How sunken into the eternity of thought the pupils spun in darkness

what muscle the gray/green/blue/brown iris to enclose so tightly such secrets revealed only in the curvature of a glance

a desire askance the tender rim

almost sore, faintly red

as length of a lash, closing of an eyelid

is all that holds us apart.

No matter the depth of darkness, the deception of darkness,

the secrets of darkness,

the sun will rupture and reveal

explode, implore, explore,

and we will all be trembling with delight in the presence of a Unitary Universe.

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I must create distance from others

but like two strings on the harp of the universe

let your pain set my heart vibrating with compassion.

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Deep-heart tears

like lulling consonants

cried in moans

missing You.

Essence of all existence

arrive not in a sheer moment

torn with ecstasies and trembling pupils,

Swoon not with clang of sky

and deep hurt of earth moan.

Creep into my hours like

the lapping of time on my shores

the light traversing the cosmos to my sight.

Be not a flash of lighting through the darkness of my mind,

but the continuum of my breathing.

Indeed

when sun in chunks

falls through my eyes

when moon crumbles

and dust slides into my lunges,

deep body-longing sorrow

collides with ragged edges

of dreams

and I call out to You,

yearning on the far side

of commotion

to be the salve

the lotion

for unnamed wounds.

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Avoidance caught on

a taught high tension wire,

look to the sky where a bird

laces together the sunlight,

where fantasies chuckle together,

blue is unbearably blue,

sun and moon share the hours

and their radiance. 

Ears trembling with

a traffic jam of thoughts

lie back and look to the sky.

God,

let me know you believe in me

that I may aspire to know you.

Blow long on the embers of my faith

burn open all portals of doubt

seer me with courage

to step out onto the hot coals of a world

where nothing is certain

and the heat wavers my vision.

May my feet be planted on the finite

my head rise to the infinite

my body a beacon shinning

between two worlds.

Fierce be my love of life

monstrous my desire for truth

relentless my courage

my heart wide open.

When conviction clamps my mind

I will ask why five times

and the answer will always be the mystery of God.

Will you carry my bruised soul

on your shoulders

when I am too weak to step into oblivion?

In this hoar frost of times

these days of molten spirit

when I, like a bubble, am

hurled against the thorns of despair

my heart heavy

and sinking

and crying out to You

I ask for strength to do Your Will

I petition for serenity

but only it find what truly matters

I ask for wisdom

but only to know Your love.

I need You, the source of all being,

to cradle me in Your arms

and let the universe be the lullaby

whispered in my dreams.

 

When my mind is humid

with thoughts of loneliness

Dry me to the bone

with the ferocity of Your love.

Spinning round

still me God

Turn me round

to a path I may follow

or towards the ocean’s endless waves

_____________________________________________________________________-

Oh friend, oh loved one

come now to rest within my heart

as I prepare a resting place for myself

within the hearts of others

So still

in umber earth

my soul

would grow deep

into Thee

and heart laid bare,

beat given up to trembling,

would see

Light in all eyes.

 

I pray

to slay

my silly doubts

put out

all sorts of angry voices

Listen to silent sermons

heed inner commands

give up divide

and opposition

and separation

to grow deep and tall,

at one with Thee.

 

 

When the moon rises in the

corner of my eyes

night adorns my soul

as wind rushes away my breath

and windchimes strain to untangle

my thoughts in it’s melody and song

I resolve, weary, yet I do resolve

to maintain the moment and let

loose the visions of future days

and new ways

this night, oh God, I seek sanctuary in the moment

my head at rest

on the beating of the universe.

 

You give me dawn to

belittle night’s terrors

and reveal the underpinnings

of exhaustion so hope may rise

like a bird’s song

to mornings fresh dew

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Between the contrasts of night’s

deep dark

and days expanse of light

give to me the subtlety of dawn

to level my passions

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Placing words of God gently on my heart

thoughts of God laid on my crisp heart

murmuring prayers and candle light shuddering

upon my heart

may the pressure of my need break open my heart

the words of God, the thoughts of God,

the prayers and actions for God,

sink down into my heart now open wide

to the heart of universe.

 

 

 

Oh heart of mine

hectic heart

crusted with tears

words of God alight

and crush my fears

oh heart of mine

break apart and open wide

to abiding calm

clear, still source of all

___________________________________________________________

For the sake of symmetry:

 of wet and glistening eye,

of shadows nesting in the corners of the mouth,

the blush rising from within to color luminous skin,

I am befuddled, bemused,

confounded and amazed up to the stars and back.

Reveal me

within the flesh, the gesture and askance and sigh of another

Reveal me

in the deed done and undone

by the lunging of my heart

Reveal me

in seed and flower asway on day gray or mottled with green light

Reveal me

in stone and cry, dirt and art

Reveal me to myself

in all things

Reveal me

in You.

________________________________________________________________________

 

On the precipice of night,

I not knowing, not certain,

the wind abounds

and sings throughout the chambers of my heat.

I tingle deeply with the vibrating song of You

in my soul.

So where is night, and where is dusk and dawn and daybreak but carried to me by the wind?

I hear you rattling around in my thoughts

liked wind chimes tuned to a minor scale

setting all without and within to sway.

I tingle with the vibration of this song

and long

to hear the full glory of Your music

muffled by this flesh.

I am so moved, so touched,

so filled with the odor of joy and sorrow and joy…

And were I to step beyond

I trust you,

Great Wind to carry me,

to lift me

support me, sustain me

a feather resting on Your back.

I wept below the snow line

where my tears no longer froze,

where once again I could feel heat within

as I watched a flower grow.

I prayed beside a river

serenity in on lips, pressed between my hands.

But what good tears or prayers

when one is drowning?

Better to dive in and pull my soul to shore

and find that it was You all along.

 

The erosion of hours

the demise of stars

the squiggling of a worm through dark earth

soft season and hard frosts

wailing and giggles

sore sunsets salved with deep blue:

may all these things and more

give pause to

draw my wandering, unruly attention

tugging it, nudging it back

to find myself in the dark

the silence

the abiding calm

deep in Your embrace.

 

 

 

 

I will not wait for the noble cause

to clamor at my door,

to grab me by the back of the collar

and drag me off to victory.

I will not let the noble cause be lost

because I could not fight great battles.

I will let You push me gently but persistently along

until Your cause is won.

 
 
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